"Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. It's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping us." -- Larry Miller
Lawrence J. "Larry" Miller (born October 15, 1953) is an American actor, voice artist, comedian, and columnist.
"I was asleep, in the upstairs bedroom, in the rear of the house. There was this tremendous crash, there was a terrible wind force hitting my body, and then I blanked out.""Manufacturers are making products kosher to get in on that market, plus more people are looking for kosher."
Miller was born in Valley Stream, New York, and attended Amherst College. He is Jewish. His roles include the vindictive doorman on Seinfeld, as well as several characters in Christopher Guest's mockumentary movies. He has also appeared in Carry On Columbus, The Nutty Professor, The Klumps, Max Keeble's Big Move, and Pretty Woman.
He played Edwin Poole in the ABC dramedy Boston Legal.
He played Michael Dobson in two different Law and Order episodes, first in the episode "Coma" and then later in "Encore". His performance in these episodes remain two of the most popular Law and Order episodes of all time. He also played himself in a later episode of the same series.
Additionally, he was the writer for the television shows Uncommon Sense (2005), Just Words (2001), and Pros & Cons (1999).
Miller is married to TV writer and producer, Eileen Conn.
Miller currently has a weekly podcast on the Ace Broadcasting network called "This Week With Larry Miller" which can be found on iTunes.
From 2002 to 2007, Miller wrote a political-humor column in The Weekly Standard, generally taking traditional Zionist positions on a variety of issues:
"The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: there are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. [...] Instead, let's call [the Palestinians] what they are: "Other Arabs From The Same General Area Who Are In Deep Denial About Never Being Able To Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death.""
"Listen carefully: [Americans are] good, [people in Afghanistan are] evil, nothing is relative. Say it with me now and free yourselves.[...] The plain fact is that our country has, with all our mistakes and blunders, always been and always will be, the greatest beacon of freedom, charity, opportunity, and affection in history. If you need proof, open all the borders on Earth and see what happens. In about half a day, the entire world would be a ghost town, and the United States would look like one giant line to see "The Producers.""
Miller is also the author of several books. In 2006, on an episode of Comics Unleashed, Miller spoke about his latest book called Outrages of Everyday Life, a collection of seventeen comic essays about life in America today which includes:
"So, is one o'clock okay for your foot massage?" about the offhand excesses of celebrity culture.
"'Do you leave your coffeemaker plugged in at night?' my sister once asked. 'Sure,' I said, 'but only when I take it in the shower with me'" referring to the paranoias of everyday life.
