Christin R. (raksha38) reviewed on 10/26/2011 + 203 more book reviews

Helpful Score: 4

I read this even though I dang well know better than to read triggering books like this when Im really stressed out and having anxiety attacks like I was the other day. Brilliant move, self. So be warnd, if that's an issue for you.

I think the fact that this book was so triggering is actually an indicator of how good it is. If Portias writing wasnt so engaging and she wasnt so unflinchingly honest, I wouldnt have been able to connect with it and see so much of myself in it, which is what set me off. At one point, she was talking about her food diary and how she didnt just keep track of food and calories, but also writes abusive notes to herself in it to motivate her. She said one of those notes was YOU ARE A FAT UGLY DYKE and I had to set the book down and walk away for a bit. That was my food diary in highschool, exactly.

What I think this book does very well is plainly show the way an eating disordered persons mind works. You can see how its not just about food and weight, its about the crushing feeling of not measuring up, failure, and disappointment in all areas of life. But at the same time, its not just one thing they can control like a lot of people (even therapists) try to reduce eating disorders down to. Yes, its about all that other stuff, but it is also about weight and eating, really and truly. Our culture is monumentally screwed up about weight and appearance. That has an effect. It means something very powerful in our culture when a woman is whittled down to nothing and its rewarded in a lot of ways. Its not just some crazy coincidence that all this other anxiety and self-hatred just happens to manifest as an obsession with weight loss. I think Portias writing makes very clear both elements of this disease.

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