Karla B. (gaslight) - , reviewed on 8/21/2009 + 145 more book reviews

Helpful Score: 10

How to write a Carole Mortimer category historical:

BASICS:
1 bipolar alpha hero, rake tenderized to slightly less alphole
1 put-upon heroine, fluttering virgin variety
1 historical era that will only be referred to by liberal use of one word, such as "ton." This substitutes for what is known as "research."
1 plot that begins early and wraps up late, with nothing in between

FILLING:
Pick one of the following:
rasped
grated
bit out
drawled
encouraged
whispered
snarled
sighed
murmured

Also choose one of the following:
frowningly
acknowledgingly
abruptly
harshly
hardly (when you have overused "harshly")
disconcertingly
contentedly
assuredly
breathlessly
snappily
stonily
mockingly
amusedly
ad nauseatingly

Flog a thesaurus for adjectives to taste.

TO MIX:
Repeat combinations in every paragraph, multiple times if word count demands it. Achieve a kind of maddening cadence in the reader's brain so that soon they can't concentrate on what little plot there is and instead are beaten down by the overwhelmingly relentless (Yes, that was done deliberately. And that, too.) orgy of adverbs and pedantic prose. Bake for 280 pages. Do not watch it cook, otherwise it will seem like years.

All snark aside, this book was a colossal bore and epic fail as romance, Regency genre, AND good writing. I know the author is prolific (though I have never read any of her contemporaries), and perhaps the pedestrian and sloppy prose is a result of such high output, but it is very depressing to think that some good manuscripts were rejected by Harlequin and Mortimer's dabble in the historical genre was automatically accepted because of her "house author" status. She has more stories planned for this family. Oh yay. I'll pass.

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