His Needs, Her Needs
Author:
Genres: Health, Fitness & Dieting, Religion & Spirituality
Book Type: Hardcover
Author:
Genres: Health, Fitness & Dieting, Religion & Spirituality
Book Type: Hardcover
Bookfanatic reviewed on
Helpful Score: 1
I loved this book. It's great for the newly married and those looking to improve their marital lives. Yes, some of Dr. Harley's advice is what one would consider "common sense", but you'd be surprised at how many of us don't realize common sense. Dr. Harley, a marriage counselor for many years, says that everyone has emotional needs. We all have an internal ranking of which needs are most important to us individually. The basic emotional needs are (in no particular order):
1. Affection
2. Sexual Fulfilment
3. Conversation
4. Recreational Companionship
5. Honesty and Openness
6. An Attractive Spouse
7. Financial Support
8. Domestic Support (helping with household responsibilities)
9. Family Commitment
10. Admiration
Having a certain emotional need as a priority doesn't make the person bad, a pig, or shallow. That just happens to be what you like and what's important to you. It's very freeing in a way because so many others will criticize a spouse if they want an attractive spouse or admiration as a top need.
The idea is for you to sit down with your partner and figure out which needs are important to that person and which needs are important to you. Once you figure the needs, you go about fulfilling those needs. Obviously, this works only if both people are equally committed to the relationship. Dr. Harley has a questionnaire at the back of the book that will help the reader to figure out which needs are important to him/her.
This book isn't a religious book, but Dr. Harley is a Christian counselor so some of his advice comes from that perspective. I didn't agree with everything Dr. Harley said, but much of what he said made a lot of sense. In theory his ideas are simple however, if more of us applied these simple theories into practice, there would be many fulfilling, intimate marriages. If more couples focused on their spouses, there would be fewer affairs and divorces.
1. Affection
2. Sexual Fulfilment
3. Conversation
4. Recreational Companionship
5. Honesty and Openness
6. An Attractive Spouse
7. Financial Support
8. Domestic Support (helping with household responsibilities)
9. Family Commitment
10. Admiration
Having a certain emotional need as a priority doesn't make the person bad, a pig, or shallow. That just happens to be what you like and what's important to you. It's very freeing in a way because so many others will criticize a spouse if they want an attractive spouse or admiration as a top need.
The idea is for you to sit down with your partner and figure out which needs are important to that person and which needs are important to you. Once you figure the needs, you go about fulfilling those needs. Obviously, this works only if both people are equally committed to the relationship. Dr. Harley has a questionnaire at the back of the book that will help the reader to figure out which needs are important to him/her.
This book isn't a religious book, but Dr. Harley is a Christian counselor so some of his advice comes from that perspective. I didn't agree with everything Dr. Harley said, but much of what he said made a lot of sense. In theory his ideas are simple however, if more of us applied these simple theories into practice, there would be many fulfilling, intimate marriages. If more couples focused on their spouses, there would be fewer affairs and divorces.
