Paula G. (Paulathegreat) reviewed on 2/18/2018 + 148 more book reviews

I would expect the minimum requirement for someone who was writing a book on the Gaslight Effect would know what the Gaslight Effect is.  By every definition except Dr. Stern's Gaslighting is a serious form of psychological manipulation where the abuser intentionally interferes with the victim's perception.  If someone slaps her husband and then says "Oh I would never hit you.  You must have imagined it." and encourages the kids to participate in the joke, that is gaslighting.  If a child sees his father come home drunk and his mother says "Daddy needs quiet, he has the flu."  That is gaslighting.  If a rival hotwires your car and parks it on the other side of the parking lot so it will look like you are so absent minded you can't remember where you parked, that is gaslighting.  When Dr. Stern says she wrote a book about gaslighting.  That is gaslighting too.

What this book actually describes is poor communication, weak personal boundaries and bad temperedness.   While all of these things are, no doubt unpleasant, none of them is gaslighting.  Dr. Stern actually uses an example of a boyfriend who tells his girlfriend she flirts too much.  Of course, she questions if this is true, a healthy response on the part of both partners.  He is indicating his discomfort and she is caring he is uncomfortable.  From there they can negotiate something they can both live with.  Another example that Dr. Stern uses are temper tantrums.  While temper tantrums in adults are always unpleasant and usually abusive, they also tend to be very honest with their intentions.  The point is to injure enough that the other person will not cross you again.  There is no gaslighting in that.  The tantrumer is a jerk, and he wants what he wants, you will comply or else.  Nothing in human relations is more overt.

Another problem with this book is a snotty third wave feminist sexism.  All of the adult victims in the book are women.  With the exception of one mother, the perps are men, and they tend to be guilty until proven innocent.  Women are portrayed as victims, and men as abusive jerks.  The intro does mention that women can gaslight men.

Finally, for a book on human relations, it sure does take a lot of very cheap shots at Trump citing two examples of Trump as a gaslighter (ironically one of these was the only thing in the book that would classically be called gaslighting).

In summation, a book so poorly researched that it doesn't even understand its own topic, with left leaning over tones.  I would pass this one up.  

Back to all reviews by this member
Back to Book Reviews
Back to Book Details