Viking! Is a story about a guy lead around by his dumb handle and the poor woman destined doomed to fall in love with him.
This story has it all. Vikings; unwilling maidens, lust, forced sex, prophecy, betrayal, deceit, sacrifice and above all stupidity. So much stupidity. Thorn the Relentless (AKA Thorne the Brickable, because he seriously needs a brick to the head) meets his doomdestiny when he encounters Fiona the Learned bathing in a stream. She is stunningly beautiful and sets his body aflame (ack!). Does he look upon her perfection and think, I'd love to wake up to that every morning for the rest of my life'?
Nope. Thorne is VIKING in a time Vikings were MEN and maidens were target practice. He takes one look at Fiona and is be-spelled. This wench is HIS. That's what she gets for bathing naked outdoors right? -sidebar- Fiona earned 'the learned' part of her name because she is an unparalled healer, not a mental giant, the poor thing. Hence the naked outdoor bathing. Did she not have an ewer at home?
Anywhoo, Fiona takes one look at Thorne and thinks rapist. And she is smart enough to know when a Viking is about to rape you, you fight dirty and run like hell. Crisis averted. For a while.
One year later, Thorne is obsessed with her perfection. No woman appeals to him. None are as appealing, or taste as divine as the Raven-haired temptress who knocked him on his ass and boogied. His desire for her is unquenchable. She has cursed him to long for her and burn. The witch. His family notices his lack of manly vigor. That conversation goes something like this.
Brother: Why do you rarely touch women these days Thorne?
Thorne: Well, there was this witch.
Father: Gadzooks! You're be-spelled. Quick, go kill her so you can marry your rich fiance
Eureka! Kill the witch. He's not a superstitious man - he says so all the time (usually right before behaving like a superstitious nit) He is a decisive man - he makes that plain often too (usually right before doing an epic 180) He will kill the witch and lift the curse. For certain. Or, you know have his way with her, a lot.
At no point does it occur to Thorne (the Relentless Brickable) that maybe the beautiful young woman that he Can Not Stop Thinking About might be just a smokin' hot babe. Luckily for Fiona, Thorne can't bring himself to kill her. He takes her home, as his slave so he can get her out of his system and kill her later. Or make her lift the curse, then have his way with her, either's good with him.
For the record, Fiona is not a witch. If she were, she'd turn Thorne into a toad or a carbuncle. But the curse bit is a riot and gets a lot of play. On the way home Thorne decides he has waited long enough (probably Eight Whole Hours. However did he survive?) Curse or no he will have her now. He'll do anything, not marriage, of course, that would be absurd. But one way or another his drought is ending now. That conversation goes something like this.
Thorne: Nothing will stop me. I will have you now.
Fiona: Not without marriage.
Thorne: Fine.
Fiona: By a priest.
Thorne: Wait here, I'll be right back.
Half of the people back home want Fiona dead. The other half want to rape her. Half of the people who want her dead probably wouldn't mind raping her first. Oh, and the wedding goes over about as well as you would expect. His family is horrified, and his fiance - well let's just say she isn't going to take that laying down.
If I could rate the first half of this book separately I'd probably give it a 3. Thorne and his little brain kept me in stitches. And Fiona deserves an award for not killing him. She is sweet, funny and spunky.
The second part gets a 0.01.
Despite Thorne being the most pig-headed lunk around. Fiona falls in love with him and then bad things happen. A lot of bad things. She didn't do anything, but Fiona gets all the blame. And Thorne (the Blockhead) believes it all.
By the time Thorne realized what a lucky guy he was I wanted Fiona to kill him, steal his boat and haul ass home.
She doesn't, of course. I would have. I wasn't exaggerating about the bad things. But if she had, we wouldn't have gotten to see Thorne avenge some of the wrongs done to Fiona. Which I think was probably the point of the story. Even the most Barbaric imbecile can redeem himself. Thorne, you truly are one lucky guy.
This story has it all. Vikings; unwilling maidens, lust, forced sex, prophecy, betrayal, deceit, sacrifice and above all stupidity. So much stupidity. Thorn the Relentless (AKA Thorne the Brickable, because he seriously needs a brick to the head) meets his doom
Nope. Thorne is VIKING in a time Vikings were MEN and maidens were target practice. He takes one look at Fiona and is be-spelled. This wench is HIS. That's what she gets for bathing naked outdoors right? -sidebar- Fiona earned 'the learned' part of her name because she is an unparalled healer, not a mental giant, the poor thing. Hence the naked outdoor bathing. Did she not have an ewer at home?
Anywhoo, Fiona takes one look at Thorne and thinks rapist. And she is smart enough to know when a Viking is about to rape you, you fight dirty and run like hell. Crisis averted. For a while.
One year later, Thorne is obsessed with her perfection. No woman appeals to him. None are as appealing, or taste as divine as the Raven-haired temptress who knocked him on his ass and boogied. His desire for her is unquenchable. She has cursed him to long for her and burn. The witch. His family notices his lack of manly vigor. That conversation goes something like this.
Brother: Why do you rarely touch women these days Thorne?
Thorne: Well, there was this witch.
Father: Gadzooks! You're be-spelled. Quick, go kill her so you can marry your rich fiance
Eureka! Kill the witch. He's not a superstitious man - he says so all the time (usually right before behaving like a superstitious nit) He is a decisive man - he makes that plain often too (usually right before doing an epic 180) He will kill the witch and lift the curse. For certain. Or, you know have his way with her, a lot.
At no point does it occur to Thorne (the Relentless Brickable) that maybe the beautiful young woman that he Can Not Stop Thinking About might be just a smokin' hot babe. Luckily for Fiona, Thorne can't bring himself to kill her. He takes her home, as his slave so he can get her out of his system and kill her later. Or make her lift the curse, then have his way with her, either's good with him.
For the record, Fiona is not a witch. If she were, she'd turn Thorne into a toad or a carbuncle. But the curse bit is a riot and gets a lot of play. On the way home Thorne decides he has waited long enough (probably Eight Whole Hours. However did he survive?) Curse or no he will have her now. He'll do anything, not marriage, of course, that would be absurd. But one way or another his drought is ending now. That conversation goes something like this.
Thorne: Nothing will stop me. I will have you now.
Fiona: Not without marriage.
Thorne: Fine.
Fiona: By a priest.
Thorne: Wait here, I'll be right back.
Half of the people back home want Fiona dead. The other half want to rape her. Half of the people who want her dead probably wouldn't mind raping her first. Oh, and the wedding goes over about as well as you would expect. His family is horrified, and his fiance - well let's just say she isn't going to take that laying down.
If I could rate the first half of this book separately I'd probably give it a 3. Thorne and his little brain kept me in stitches. And Fiona deserves an award for not killing him. She is sweet, funny and spunky.
The second part gets a 0.01.
Despite Thorne being the most pig-headed lunk around. Fiona falls in love with him and then bad things happen. A lot of bad things. She didn't do anything, but Fiona gets all the blame. And Thorne (the Blockhead) believes it all.
By the time Thorne realized what a lucky guy he was I wanted Fiona to kill him, steal his boat and haul ass home.
She doesn't, of course. I would have. I wasn't exaggerating about the bad things. But if she had, we wouldn't have gotten to see Thorne avenge some of the wrongs done to Fiona. Which I think was probably the point of the story. Even the most Barbaric imbecile can redeem himself. Thorne, you truly are one lucky guy.
Back to all reviews by this member
Back to all reviews of this book
Back to Book Reviews
Back to Book Details
Back to all reviews of this book
Back to Book Reviews
Back to Book Details
