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Book Review of I Was Told There'd Be Cake: Essays

I Was Told There'd Be Cake: Essays
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The best description I can think of for Sloane Crosley is that she is the female David Sedarisâand that is meant as a compliment as I'm a huge Sedaris fan. This book is a collection of essays on a variety of topics ranging from the perils of having an unusual name, the pitfalls of volunteering, moving mishaps, having a boss from hell, and the horrors of being a bridesmaid. Although I suspect we have little in commonâbeing at least 20 years apart in age and growing up in wildly different environments (Crosley was raised in Westchester, New York and currently lives in New York City)âI found myself laughing and relating to so much of what she wrote about. (Not the quest to find a one night stand though, thank you very much!) I found her writing assured, and there was enough chuckles per page that I was never bored. Perhaps the best way to give you a feel for her writing is to share some excerpts:

On volunteering: I took my volunteerism as seriously as someone like myself could. I knew my motivation was rooted in boredom; I wouldn't stick with it if it wasn't relatively easy. This narrowed the field considerably. Clearly orcas were out of the question, as were the disabled, women in need of JCPenney suits, the ozone layer, lead-paint prevention, historical landmarks, and anything involving a ladle.

On agreeing to be a bridesmaid: The subplot of modern marriage assumes that a wedding is the crown jewel of any best friendship, a time when otherwise rational women are legally permitted to misplace their minds and treat their friends like heel-skin-shaving employees. This is something we tolerate in our closest pals, but I had barely spoken to this woman in a decade....I had no choice but to respond not only with a "yes," but with a "yes, I'd be honored." On one tacit condition. There was an unspoken understanding that I would be standing up there with her as a one-time favor. In an effort to mask her apparent lack of sociability as an adult, that evening the role of "old friend" would be played by yours truly. Like the best man's polyester-blend tux, I was a rental.

On making tarts: First you have to understand how to bake a successful dessert tart. Most baking, even complicated baking that results in caramelized pine nuts or perfect chocolate and vanilla swirls, consists of adding dry ingredients to wet. Any cookbook worth its weight in sugar will encourage you to experiment. Add craisins! Dally in dates! Go nuts! Perfection is to be found in the imperfect! Except with tarts. Unless you are professional, you will find the tart to be a high-maintenance, unforgiving whistle-blower of a pastry. If they could sprout sexual organs and mate, they'd go extinct on the jungle floor. Chocolate chip cookies, impossible to f**k up, would breed like deer.

If you are a fan of autobiographical essays with a humorous slant, this collection is a must. Of course I'm filled with seething resentment that someone this young could be so funny and write so well. But I am a bit biased as my dream is to be a writer of humorous essays just like Sloane. So I consider her my competition. Game on, Sloane! Game on!