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We Have to Talk : Healing Dialogues Between Women and Men
We Have to Talk Healing Dialogues Between Women and Men Author:Samuel Shem, Janet Surrey, Janet L. Surrey "We Have to Talk." For many men, these are the four worst words in the English language, especially when they're uttered by a female partner. But it doesn't have to be that way, argue the authors of this pathbreaking and practical new book. "Male relational dread"--that all-too-familiar reaction set off by women's "relational ... more »yearning"--can be tamed, and in its place can emerge true satisfaction for men and women. Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey, a remarkable husband-and-wife team, pose a bold challenge to bestselling books that say men and women must resign themselves to inherent gender differences. Drawing on their extensive clinical experience as psychiatrist and psychologist, and the workshops they've conducted with more than 20,000 people all over the world, Shem and Surrey outline a program of healing dialogues that will help any couple move beyond superficial harmony to genuine connection. We Have to Talk is different from other relationship books. It does not teach one sex how to outwit the other. Instead, the authors acknowledge the differences between men and women, and then show how to use those differences to forge good connections. They key is to make the radical shift from "I" and "You" to "We": facing differences in the spirit of dialogue. To demonstrate how it is done, Shem and Surrey take us behind the scenes at their popular workshops. We hear couples speak intimately about anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and sex. We watch them wrestle collectively with the gender divides in their relationships--the deep disconnects, or "impasses," that reflect the vastly different development paths men and women have traveled. We see couples learn to bridge the poles of dread and yearning, to emerge from isolation into mutuality. We witness their moments of sadness, humor, and, ultimately, discovery. With the, we learn that a couple is more than a sum of its parts--indeed, that women and men can best flourish and grow in the shared experience of a relationship.Filled with moving stories of real people struggling with real problems, We Have to Talk shatters the "rules" and offers dramatic proof that men and women are not from different plants after all. It is certain to be seen as the relationship book for the new millennium."A triumph! This book has the power to change lives. Every couple, every parent, in fact everybody should own a copy of We Have to Talk."
--Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., author of Minding the Body, Mending the Mind and A Woman's Book of Life"Few clinicians generate such profound excitement and produce such radical change in the couples they work with as this dynamic husband-wife team. We Have to Talk is a groundbreaking work that will take both men and women to new levels of intimacy."
--Terrence Real, Ph.D., author of I Don't Want to Talk About It" Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression"Shem and Surrey are the Dr. Spock of male-female relationships. Written with great love, humor, and intelligence, this book helps us get beyond the chasms of silence and hurt that can tear us apart."
--Paula Caplan, Ph.D., author of They Say You're Crazy: How the World's Most Powerful Psychiatrists Decide Who's Normal"A fine source for those who seek guidance in improving and healing their relationship."
--Bernie S. Siegel, M.D., author of Love, Medicine and Miracles« less