Sophia C. reviewed The Other Side of Desire: Four Journeys into the Far Realms of Lust and Longing on + 289 more book reviews
Helpful Score: 3
I picked up this book as follow up to Daniel Bergner's cover article in the January 25 issue of the New York Times Magazine entitled "What Do Women Want?" Here he explores how do we come to be the sexual beings we become by taking four real-life extreme cases to bring into focus the same questions on our own "more normal" eros.
Bergner does a good job of juggling the four stories--tales of a man deeply ashamed of his foot fetish; the Baroness, a rare female sadist; a man convicted of groping and propositioning his 12 year old stepdaughter; a photographer drawn to female amputees--with expert opinion and research. His tone is ultimately humanizing and thought provoking, although sometimes I find he indulges too much in descriptive text which doesn't add to his stated mission. For example, he spends a page and a half describing the office of a prominent psychiatrist treating paraphilias. Yet I enjoyed puzzling over the questions each portrait asked of me: What causes shame of our own sexual desires in a society whose norms seek to regulate lust--when is it appropriate to and how do we overcome that confining shame? What is the relationship of pain and pleasure in our sexual and everyday lives? Why are some able to control unacceptable urges and other not, especially when the line between acceptable and taboo blurs into a gray zone? What does it mean to love someone for who (s)he is--is there any difference between a preference for missing limbs and blond hair, or any other immutable feature?
If you are unprepared to be open minded about people with uncommon or taboo sexual desires, or are merely seeking voyeuristic titillation, then this book is not for you. Otherwise venture into this oft-unvisited subject.
Bergner does a good job of juggling the four stories--tales of a man deeply ashamed of his foot fetish; the Baroness, a rare female sadist; a man convicted of groping and propositioning his 12 year old stepdaughter; a photographer drawn to female amputees--with expert opinion and research. His tone is ultimately humanizing and thought provoking, although sometimes I find he indulges too much in descriptive text which doesn't add to his stated mission. For example, he spends a page and a half describing the office of a prominent psychiatrist treating paraphilias. Yet I enjoyed puzzling over the questions each portrait asked of me: What causes shame of our own sexual desires in a society whose norms seek to regulate lust--when is it appropriate to and how do we overcome that confining shame? What is the relationship of pain and pleasure in our sexual and everyday lives? Why are some able to control unacceptable urges and other not, especially when the line between acceptable and taboo blurs into a gray zone? What does it mean to love someone for who (s)he is--is there any difference between a preference for missing limbs and blond hair, or any other immutable feature?
If you are unprepared to be open minded about people with uncommon or taboo sexual desires, or are merely seeking voyeuristic titillation, then this book is not for you. Otherwise venture into this oft-unvisited subject.
