News Item: 

Life is a carnival in Barrel Proof 
This weekend's Pot Hole Festival was held despite merciless heat 
Real feel temperatures were into the 110-115 range as Cassidy Rowdy 
Nailed six consecutive hub caps from 150 yards to win the shooting contest 
"I only kilt the foreign ones" bragged Cassidy "I don't mess wid Made in America" 
When told by one of our bsnews reporters that most Fords were made in Mexico 
Cassidy whirred and blasted a Ford Focus cap, and then shot it a second time 
As it frisbeed through the air, scattering a clutch of Turkey Buzzards 
The Buzzards will be featured next week at the Road Kill Festival 
Barrel Proof first came into the headlines when it's Mayor 
King Rodney decreed that all citizens over the age of 18 must be armed 
Lyle Lovett and Kinky Friedman are frequent guest at the various festivals 
Lovett was the Grand Marshal of the "Buzzard Return to Barrel" parade 
Along with a pared down version of his big band 
The Road Kill festival will feature over 50 species of animals 
Mowed down over the past 3 months 
A cook-off will follow