Queen of the Porch Author:Elbert Hubbard Purchase of this book includes free trial access to www.million-books.com where you can read more than a million books for free. This is an OCR edition with typos. Excerpt from book: "Well, look here, J. B., don't stand around here keeping me from work—I wish t' Lord I could find a few more J. B.'s to help me run this shebang. And say, make a... more » little list of the pale, nervous, yellow and scared girls and send them out by turn for clematis whenever the sun shines—don't stand around keeping me from work—don't you think I have anything to do myself? Go on with you! " CANNED LIFE HE Rev. Laurence Sterne tells of how, on a certain interesting occasion, his mother asked his father this question, " Have you wound the clock? " To this seeming irrelevant and inconsequential remark the author attributed most of his own shortcomings in way ofinfirmity of purpose and lack of concentration. No doubt it is necessary that clocks should be wound, and it is also right and proper that on occasion cats should be put out, but it is quite absurd to waste time on clocks and cats when more important duties require attention. All is relative, and had the mother of Laurence Sterne been a judge of Values she never would have disturbed the Silences by her well- meant but untimely interrogation. I think, however, I can fully understand the lady's situation. Nature has a way of protecting her children by allowing them to do things through habit. Habit is the buffer of our feelings, the armor that protects our nerve-force, the great economizer of energy. " How do you manage to keep so young with all your manifold duties?" I once asked my friend Bath-House John. " Say," said the Statesman, " I '11 tell you how I keep young, I live Perfunk—see? " To live Perfunk is a fine art. It usually means sound sleep, good digestion and length of days. The man much before the public, who is meeting many people, must meet them in a perfunctory manner. To give issue to a genuine emotion w...« less