Vanessa L. (VanessaL) reviewed Perfection: a memoir of betrayal and renewal on + 26 more book reviews
Helpful Score: 13
I have to admit being torn about this book. On the one hand, I was riveted by it. I read it on our family beach vacation and couldn't put it down. But it was the kind of fascination you have for a car wreck on the side of the road. You know it's tragic -- not to mention none of your business -- yet you can't help rubbernecking. I was also deeply disturbed by the author. Again, I'm torn. On the one hand, I admired her honesty and could certainly relate to certain aspects of her plight. On the other hand, I just couldn't relate to her lack of focus on her daughter in the aftermath of her husband's death. Her overarching concern seemed to be not going more than a week without sex. Within weeks of her husband's death, she was in bed with a handsome young family friend -- after telling him she felt that her husband was trying to come to her sexually and she had a strong feeling that her husband's spirit wanted to use him as a surrogate to have sex with her. Well of course! As she plowed through weekend-long dates with one man after another, dropping her daughter like excess baggage with just about anyone in town, my sympathy ran dry. Even when her friends gently hinted that it may be time to focus a bit on her grieving daughter, she still didn't pull herself together, not even to drag herself out of bed to make a school lunch for the child. Meanwhile, she had no problem finding the energy for masturbation and new lovers.
Shannon T. (chippygirl) -
Helpful Score: 5
Normally, I wouldn't dream of reviewing a book I haven't finished. But I can't even stomach finishing this book as I find the author so distastful and vengeful.
The author and her young daughter lose their husband/father suddenly. The author later finds that the husband has carried on with a series of extramarital affairs throughout their relationship. About 2/3rd of the way through the book the author is still focused on the women the husband had affairs with, blaming them, calling them, sometimes harrasing them. Meanwhile, her daughters emotional needs seem to be neglected. At one point the author recalls that she knowingly slept with a married man, prior to her own marriage. Hello?? It sounds to me as if two perfectly matched narcissists found each other, married, one passed, now the other is out for revenge.
The full title is Perfection, A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal. I will be missing the renewal part of the book, because I'm not able to finish this one.
The author and her young daughter lose their husband/father suddenly. The author later finds that the husband has carried on with a series of extramarital affairs throughout their relationship. About 2/3rd of the way through the book the author is still focused on the women the husband had affairs with, blaming them, calling them, sometimes harrasing them. Meanwhile, her daughters emotional needs seem to be neglected. At one point the author recalls that she knowingly slept with a married man, prior to her own marriage. Hello?? It sounds to me as if two perfectly matched narcissists found each other, married, one passed, now the other is out for revenge.
The full title is Perfection, A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal. I will be missing the renewal part of the book, because I'm not able to finish this one.
Helpful Score: 1
I read some of the other reviews of this book and found, for the most part, all were quite positive. The book kept my attention for the most part but I did find myself speed reading through parts because I found it quite repetitive. I found myself wondering why Ms. Metz would want to bare her soul to the world in such a way and why she couldn't move on and wanted to keep her emotions so raw by digging into the past in such a way. I don't feel she had anything to hide and, from personal experience I know sometimes anger and grief need release, perhaps this was her release. It is obvious she felt her betrayal quite deeply and couldn't move on until she had excised it from her soul. I hope her daughter is much more resilient than her mom since all this drama, starting at the age of 6, must have been very confusing and upsetting for her to experience, the father's death, her mother's angst, depression and anger must have been hard for her to understand.
Overall, I liked the book but it was painful to read in parts and I felt for Ms. Metz.
Overall, I liked the book but it was painful to read in parts and I felt for Ms. Metz.
Helpful Score: 1
I eagerly anticipated reading this book--written by a fellow graphic designer who also lost her husband at a too-young age. Though the book was somewhat redeemed by a ending that felt right, I spent the first half of the book wondering how it even got published. Ms. Metz's life did seem perfect, but then came an enormous loss followed by betrayal. Horrible, but she did still have rest of her perfect life to fall back on--tons of devoted friends, good career, lovely child--Ms. Metz even lost weight during the ordeal!
Much like Amy Dickinson's 'Mighty Queens of Freeville,' this book would have made a good magazine story, but fleshed out into a full-length book, it feels too self-indulgent.
One last thing--I was surprised that Ms. Metz, a book-cover designer, didn't design the cover of this edition.
Much like Amy Dickinson's 'Mighty Queens of Freeville,' this book would have made a good magazine story, but fleshed out into a full-length book, it feels too self-indulgent.
One last thing--I was surprised that Ms. Metz, a book-cover designer, didn't design the cover of this edition.
This was a very good read. It was raw, emotional, and well-written. It is so interesting to expierence the stages of grief with Julie Metz. Her daughter, Liza, was also an amazing little girl. Great insight into the human mind and why we make the decisions that we do.
GAIL L. (my2luvsemmyandmally) reviewed Perfection: a memoir of betrayal and renewal on + 758 more book reviews
BOOK REVIEWS I FOUND ON HER SITE THAT SAY IT BEST:
It is impossible to put PERFECTION down as we follow Julie Metz through her true story of love, lies, loss, and moving forward. Her raw and brave writing makes you want to cheer Metz on as she pieces her life back together, one beautiful sentence at a time.
Marian Fontana, author of Widows Walk and Middle of the Bed
Six months after her husband's funeral, Julie Metz discovered his five mistresses, one of them her presumed friend. She writes, "I couldnt kill Henry anymore, since he was, conveniently enough, dead. The seed of PERFECTION was rage, yet Metzs fury is not ugly, not even vengeful. Instead it provides this books beautiful testimony that, instead of killing the subject, the author can do something that diminishes him even more totally. She can forgive him and move on. That accomplishment, via prose, leaves me breathless.
Sarah Manguso, author of The Two Kinds of Decay
It is impossible to put PERFECTION down as we follow Julie Metz through her true story of love, lies, loss, and moving forward. Her raw and brave writing makes you want to cheer Metz on as she pieces her life back together, one beautiful sentence at a time.
Marian Fontana, author of Widows Walk and Middle of the Bed
Six months after her husband's funeral, Julie Metz discovered his five mistresses, one of them her presumed friend. She writes, "I couldnt kill Henry anymore, since he was, conveniently enough, dead. The seed of PERFECTION was rage, yet Metzs fury is not ugly, not even vengeful. Instead it provides this books beautiful testimony that, instead of killing the subject, the author can do something that diminishes him even more totally. She can forgive him and move on. That accomplishment, via prose, leaves me breathless.
Sarah Manguso, author of The Two Kinds of Decay
Sandi K W. (Sandiinmississippi) reviewed Perfection: a memoir of betrayal and renewal on + 265 more book reviews
I wish I could 'like' the author more! I agree that the book is intended to be deeply personal, perhaps a cure-all for the various sad events which she experienced. We all have loss and tragedy - hers came all together in such a way that her seemingly perfect life collapsed and overwhelmed her. Her honesty about her actions is often hard to take as we observe her using people in some of the same ways her deceased husband had done. She feels empty and tries to 'fill herself up' with others. She makes all the mistakes and mis-steps others make when overwhelmed. I just didn't connect with her properly I guess. The book felt exploitative; can one exploit oneself? Interesting enough, but in the end she simply had a dead husband who had acted like a horse's ass in life and successfully hidden it from her. The choices she made would not have been mine, or perhaps I simply would not have been 'brave' enough to admit them? It does make one think.
Lauren T. (littlegirl) -
I found this book to be incredibly self-indulgent. Although unfortunate and sad, I didn't feel like there was any greater lesson learned from reading her story. I didn't find the story "haunting" or "triumphant" as reviews had described it. The way the author stalked and befriended her dead husband's former lovers was creepy and weird. The detailed descriptions of the various men she slept with was awkward and off-putting, and came across as a needy friend bragging about herself. Unfortunately, I found this book to be just a "woe is me" tale.
I finished this in three days. It's gripping and unforgettable; something out of a movie. I thought the author was brave to air her dirty laundry this way. Perhaps there was some subliminal desire for revenge as well. Revenge on her dead husband who was well known in literary circles and also revenge on church going Cathy who acted like the author's best friend. The author took a risk exposing her private thoughts, her husband's emails, her private humiliation.
Though I have no personal experience with the subject matter, I could understand why the author chose to confront these women. Everyone processes betrayal differently. She chose a more unconventional approach. Though I finished the book in a few days, I thought it could have been far more interesting had she included more emails from the husband. The few emails she shared in the book gave a good glimpse into the thought patterns of a man with extremely loose personal boundaries and a vast need for admiration/affirmation.
Though I have no personal experience with the subject matter, I could understand why the author chose to confront these women. Everyone processes betrayal differently. She chose a more unconventional approach. Though I finished the book in a few days, I thought it could have been far more interesting had she included more emails from the husband. The few emails she shared in the book gave a good glimpse into the thought patterns of a man with extremely loose personal boundaries and a vast need for admiration/affirmation.
Karen H. (SashaFletch) reviewed Perfection: a memoir of betrayal and renewal on + 121 more book reviews
I really, really liked this book. However, it was difficult at times to read. Sometimes, I had to set it aside, deal with the emotions it brought up, and then continue. The betrayal that Julie Metz deals with is so all-encompassing that I had to go one step at a time in handling the deep feelings it brought up within me. I just felt for her so intensely. She then tells about her recovery and as it says in the title, her renewal. About her re-entry, as a middle aged woman, into the dating scene and trusting the world of men again. Very inspirational. In the end, a triumph. What a good book!
Taryn C. (TarynC) -
I dont know how this book made it to the bestseller list. It was not very interesting and certainly nothing you haven't read or heard before.Perhaps it might be encouraging for women who are going through a divorce after a betrayal- but I can see no other target audience that would find this interesting. I got half way through it and handed it to a woman I know who had a cheating first husband- perhaps she might find it more useful reading.
This memoir of a woman's response to her husband's infidelity might sound grim on first impression. It ends positively, however, because she works her way through the secrets she uncovers. It is a good example of the value of honestly facing difficulties and the importance of friends and family.
It's not a horrible book but honestly it kind of goes on and on...I ended up just skipping over throughout to the ending.
I read this book for the same reason I read Crazy Love by Leslie Morgan Steiner. I wanted to bond with someone about some really tough life experiences. I got what I wanted from the beginning and middle of this book, but not the end. At times, I found myself cringing at her behavior, and I found myself physically and mentally uncomfortable. I applaud her honestly, and I understand nobody is perfect. Nor do we all react as we might wish in times of heartbreak. But something about this book left me with the desire to forget everything I read once I turned the last page. I also think I skimmed the last 5 or more chapters.
I also thought her mentions of masturbation were a little out-of-place.
I also thought her mentions of masturbation were a little out-of-place.
I really liked this book. I took it to the beach with me and it was an easy read. Julia's emotions come through so strong that sometimes I teared up.
Stephanie G. (thestephanieloves) reviewed Perfection: a memoir of betrayal and renewal on + 241 more book reviews
Julie Metz offers a stunning and dazzling peek into her past in Perfection with her astonishingly lyrical prose. It is tragic enough that she is widowed at such a young age, after only sixteen years with her beloved husband, Henry. But what she disastrously discovers a mere several months after the devastating loss, is that he was having an affair for more than a year -- with none other than her acquaintance and mother of her daughter's best friend, Cathy. Imagine what kind of betrayal you'd feel at that sort of discovery. A man you've loved, a man who's loved you deceiving you like that -- and finding out AFTER he's dead. The anger Metz portrays is not malicious, and not even vengeful. It is only full of desperation and the distress every heartbroken woman is apt to feel. However, it certainly does not end there. By sifting through Henry's old email records, Julie yet again discovers, Cathy was not the only one. There were more women before and after Cathy. Yes, women. Women Julie has only once met at social events, women Julie was unaware of in existence, women Henry lightly joked about when he was alive. Women who haven't corresponded with Henry through email that Julie still doesn't know about.
I was astounded by Julie's courage. After a bit of research, she contacts all the women in Henry's email account, and surprisingly, develops platonic, even friendly, relationships with them. Henry is a common ground for Julie and those women, and after his passing, it was the only place Julie can find true comfort in. It takes an unbelievable strength to get the guts to do that. To face one's fears directly. And for it, I commend Julie greatly.
Perfection is a remarkably personal novel that makes me want to by the end, get to know Julie better. I can't even refer to her as "Metz", I just want to call her Julie! Her story will rather than fill you with pity, bring a sense of understanding and admiration toward her, for her strength, endurance, and unwillingness to give up. She could be your best friend. She could be your sister. She could be your mom or that nice lady who smiles at you every time you see her at the park. She could even be you.
I am deeply impressed by Metz's incredible writing style. Her words have the ability to both depress and delight the reader, making Perfection an unforgettable read in which every single page is worthwhile.
I was astounded by Julie's courage. After a bit of research, she contacts all the women in Henry's email account, and surprisingly, develops platonic, even friendly, relationships with them. Henry is a common ground for Julie and those women, and after his passing, it was the only place Julie can find true comfort in. It takes an unbelievable strength to get the guts to do that. To face one's fears directly. And for it, I commend Julie greatly.
Perfection is a remarkably personal novel that makes me want to by the end, get to know Julie better. I can't even refer to her as "Metz", I just want to call her Julie! Her story will rather than fill you with pity, bring a sense of understanding and admiration toward her, for her strength, endurance, and unwillingness to give up. She could be your best friend. She could be your sister. She could be your mom or that nice lady who smiles at you every time you see her at the park. She could even be you.
I am deeply impressed by Metz's incredible writing style. Her words have the ability to both depress and delight the reader, making Perfection an unforgettable read in which every single page is worthwhile.
interesting, easy to read but as another reviewer says, very self indulgent..
got a little slow at the end but overall and enjoyable book
Joan W. (justreadingabook) reviewed Perfection: a memoir of betrayal and renewal on + 1726 more book reviews
This had makings of a great story and it was completely lost in the rage and anger the wife felt and inflicted upon everyone who she believed was responsible for it.
The characters never developed past the first two chapters and were so boring throughout the remainder of the book.
As a short story this would have been OK at best but a full blown book, not even close to being well written. Was disappointed.
The characters never developed past the first two chapters and were so boring throughout the remainder of the book.
As a short story this would have been OK at best but a full blown book, not even close to being well written. Was disappointed.
