The cynic's word book Author:Ambrose Bierce Purchase of this book includes free trial access to www.million-books.com where you can read more than a million books for free. This is an OCR edition with typos. Excerpt from book: to find the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle. APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker'... more »s benefactor and grave worm's provider. When Jove sent blessings to all men that are, And Mercury conveyed them in a jar, That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary's health, Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim : " My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!" G. J. APPEAL, v. t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude. APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. ARBITRATION, n. A modern device for promoting strife by substituting for an original dispute a score of inevitable disagreements as to the manner of submitting it for settlement. ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I 'd eat all the fish up — Salmon and flounders and smelts ; On other days everything else. Rent. ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money ; who estimates the whole cost, and himself costs the whole estimate. ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge. ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit, in which the statesman wrestles with his record. ARISTOCRACY, n. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete ; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts — guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts. ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up ...« less